The Goblin turned 5 last week and we had our ritualized going out to sushi and frozen yogurt. However, not satisfied with getting to plan and rule over dinner for the whole house she also wants a party. A princess Leia-Star Wars party. Everyone is supposed to be Leia and as a highlight we smash a Death Star pinata. A Death Star pinata that I would make. But you dear readers say “how do you make a pinata?” And I have to reply that I have no fucking clue. Now that I am done I don’t know if my answer has changed.
Jessie makes glorious pinatas: Six foot long dragons, the Eiffel tower, alligator wizards driving convertibles, you name it, elaborate pinatas all of the fucking time. I have done paper mache, but have never made a pinata in my life. So I thought with terrible foreshadowing “How hard can it be?”
I had Jessie begin the project with me for moral support. Apparently you rip up paper, make some wheat paste and put layers of it down on your shape until it is solid when dry. then you cut a hole put in candy and hang the fucker from a tree so children can hit it with a stick until someone cries. Possibly me, watching my work get destroyed.
Make your own Death Star Piñata:
When making a pinata you need a form, this could be an object or a shape that you make out of newspaper and tape. In my case since it was the death star I went to the thrift store and got some giant bouncy ball that the Goblin immediately threw herself on until it was closer to egg shaped than round. Fine. this is ART. It is an interpretive pinata.
Step one: get a big ball.
Step two: make wheat paste. it is apparently wheat and water. My glutarded housemate/sister/wife uses tapioca.
Step three: cut up paper. So that you won’t have to stop while covered in paste help your self out by making a decent sized stack of it. Thin paper like newsprint goes on smooth, and thick paper like paper bags and notebook paper makes it tougher.
step four: Use paste to stick paper to form.
Step 5: Add more flour because your wheat paste is too thin and nothing sticks to anything.
Step 6: Begin to cover your ball until you are about 2/3rds of the way around and you realize that it is February in Portland and the thing is not drying and you will soon have no not damp sticky paper surfaces to rest your pinata on.
Step 7: Go on a work retreat for 4 days. don’t worry about the pinata because you will make everything for your daughter’s party in the three days between when you get back and the party happening. Working full time and taking the kids to Aikido won’t but into your crafting time AT ALL.
Step 8: Panic and feed your children boxed Indian food before martial arts because you are frantically trying to finish the first layer of paper on the pinata while making and serving dinner.
Step 9: Put your kids to bed. See now it will all get done quickly!
Step 10: Turn on the oven to warm. Sit your pinata in front of it on the door so that it will dry and you can keep working on it
Step 11: Apply what feels like another 65 layers of paper for the next three hours. Realize upon counting that it is maybe four layers. Somewhere in there is probably a fatal flaw in an exhaust port.
Step 12: Dump your wheat paste on the floor. IMPORTANT: only do this with the largest batch of wheat paste that you make when you realize it is nearing midnight and you are running out of flour.
Step 13: Begin using wheat paste directly off the floor. This way there will be less to clean up and you have motivation to mop the kitchen. It was on purpose. Anyway the kids won’t be eating the pinata. Remember to tell children not to eat the pinata.
Step 14: Laugh hysterically because it will help to keep you from crying.
Step 15: Give up and start crying because the sleep deprivation is getting to you. Eventually give up for the evening, turn off the oven and go to bed. It’s after 2 am and tomorrow you will need to put on crepe paper in grey and black.
Step 16: Hopefully your big ball has dried. Chop a hole in one side with a sharp knife. Carefully pull out your now useless piece of plastic/rubber/whatever. My pinata was really damp on the inside and wanted to flatten on whichever side I sat it on. I made a round dent for the planet destroying ray thing and sat it on that in front of my oven with the hole I cut open until the center had dried out. Using a hair dryer on the inside helped too.
Step 17: Final layers of grey and black crepe paper! It’s done! the fucking thing is finished! about 12 hours of labor later it is finished! Fill it with candy, because you are a fucking boss and ruler of all bad ass Star Wars parties.
Step 18: Let children smash and rip it to pieces.